"Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters"
- John Mark Green
Letting go of any relationship is difficult. Letting go of a toxic one isn't any easier. Sometimes the sings are clear, direct and in your face. The constant lying, cheating. gas-lighting, controlling behaviors, physical, mental and emotional abuse. Sometimes there aren't any red flags - just a gut feeling. You accept and tolerate disrespect, coming up with a million excuses along the way. You set boundaries and rules, only to give in and settle. Yes, it's important to compromise and sacrifices are sometimes necessary, but not at the expense of your mental health, well-being and happiness.
Most of you may have experienced the turmoil that comes with having a toxic friend, family member or significant other. They should ground you, bring balance into your life, provide you with emotional support, care for you, encourage you, and help make life more meaningful. Instead their company brings discomfort, exhaustion and frustration, yet you see past their flaws because you value the friendship or relationship despite the hurt it causes. You cling on to what could be, rather than what is.
Letting Go...
Truthfully, it'll be a painful, ugly, and heartbreaking process. There's no easy way of getting around it. All relationships have their flaws, and mistakes will be made, however the purpose is to learn from them. You'll find yourself hurting the people you love, saying things that are had to take back, and pushing waaay too hard to get your way, but none of that makes you toxic - it makes you human.
Toxicity can go unnoticed for years. It can be subtle, contagious and dangerous.
It's important that you learn how to recognize the warning signs, don't ignore the red flags, don't normalize their behavior, don't ignore gut feelings, and stop making excuses for them - they come up with enough on their own. Walking away from a toxic relationship is the best option, however it isn't the only one. You can propose a conversation, enforce rules, set clear boundaries, and stick to them. Toxic people can change, but it's highly unlikely.
Distancing yourself or cutting ties completely can seem almost impossible. Loyalty, love, guilt or circumstances may force you to remain connected to this person, but a relationship isn't necessary. You can choose to place the blame on everyone that's hurt you and hinder your journey and healing process, or you can acknowledge the role you played in the disfunction. Take your time to heal, take accountability, move at your own pace, and don't feel embarrassed for missing and mourning the friendship or relationship. Understandably, you've invested time, energy, and created tons of memories with them that you may find yourself missing. It'll hurt like hell for a while, and things will get worse before they get better - but they will get better.
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship, but healthy ones do exist. You have the power to walk away and choose people who are loving, genuine, supportive, patient, respectful, generous, and are willing to work for a relationship. It's easier said than done, but keep an open heart, an open mind, protect your energy, love like your canvas is brand new, and don't allow past pains, experiences, trauma or lessons damage your heart or darken your soul.
Comments